How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
