I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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