just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
