my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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