This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Vodka?
Forever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
