You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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