the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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