onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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