and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
