if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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