I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
