i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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