I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
