We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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