I wish life had little blips of pornography
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
