What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
