I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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