who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this will be a night to untag.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
