Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Couch. On fire.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
