apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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