I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
