Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
