we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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