Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she looked like the before picture.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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