Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
