dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there is puke in my bra ... again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
