It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just had sex on a roof
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
