So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
