he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
