my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
