Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
