Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
