I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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