you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
