Cold hands, warm shart.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
