Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
