if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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