Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
