don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
