Everything about him screamed your future.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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