maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
