Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
