i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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