i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
