I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
