Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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