So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
