You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
