I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
