I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
