The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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